Day 8

April 30

I slept in until 6:40 today.

Rebel that I am.

Work was 7:54-4:35.

It was a full day, which was really nice.

We talked about accountability, numbers and the merchandise.

Today for lunch I went with Marie, Colt and Brooklyn over to Hot Bites. I ordered a BLT and a chocolate mint milkshake – only $14.70. (Ouch, says the budget.)

I don’t think I’ll ever be eating there again this summer. Way to expensive.

This afternoon was spent learning the Naturalitist spheel. There’s so much information to give on a tour – it’s remarkable and almost forgettable.

We also cleaned a chip and got to know who our new captain is. Our former Captain, Ellie backed out because she got a real job.

We also watched the deckhands tie the boat to the dock for a while, learning how it works.

There’s still no news from President Sekona – which is slightly frustrating.

Back at Lizzy’s I headed up and went online – SM watching!

Talked to mom for a while, reading scriptures with her – one of the best things to do each and every day.

So, while I was online on my phone I started talking to a guy on facebook – on the LDS page (well, 

via the LDSGeek page). It was weird – and fun. I’ll probably never meet him in real life anyway.

This morning was nice and sunny – very plesant. I’m hoping the rest of the summer can be like this.

Day 7

April 29

Up again at 6:15 – starting to make a habit of it.

Work again 8-4 – it’s a nice set time to work.

Today we learned where everything is on the boat, how to clean it up after each trip, and how to help with ADA services.

There was a pause for lunch too.

After work I came straight back to Lizzy’s house and called up mom while I packed up my things.

Everything seemed ok right then.

I watched some more SM, while starting to feel bad.

Andi picked me up tonight for institute – President Sekona asked me to come tonight.

The lesson was on tithing, fast offerings, and helping the poor. I felt that it hit home rather well with my current situation. It was ironic in a way – I’m a full tithe payer, starting to get better at fast offerigns, and helping out others in need.

I walked with President Sekona after about needing the $650 for the first months rent – knowing that it’s a lot of money to ask for. It would take a few days to get things organized to work better.

A little music afterwards with Lizzy before heading back to her house.

I am so grateful that I have a room to sleep in each night, a bathroom with a shower that has running hot water and a ride to work in the morning.

Day 6

April 28

Another early morning.

For me.

Out the door by 7:30, thankfully getting a ride with a new friend, Bryce.

Work was another 8-4 day. I rather enjoyed it all, until the wind and waves started kicking up. I was forced to deal with the strains of almost having another panic attack while at work. We went outside the boats, looked inside the bilges, the engine rooms, found where all the life boats are located.

After work, Scott and Jacob picked me up to view to the apartments/rooms I'd found. One was about a 2 minute drive from work. It was a bedroom located in a lady's condo, shared bathroom. It was nice, but just didn't feel quite right. The second place was okay too. It was in someone's house, attached but off to the side. It was a private bathroom, private room with a side entrance. The first room was about $750 per month, the second place was only $450, with a $200 deposit.

I felt lousy about both of them.

It feels like I'm just flaking out of everything, just because I'm anxious and terrified.

I feel depressed.

I feel like, whatever decision I make, will be the wrong one.

I fell like life is just kicking me while I'm down.

After work I walked up to Walmart again. I got some apples, some crackers and a few things to bring to lunch the rest of the week.

I'm just feeling really sad.

Sadly, watching SM didn't help too much. Neither did my go-to song. I did some laundry - probably going to get it out tomorrow morning.

Day 5

April 27

Oh my gosh!

I never knew working on a boat could make me feel so nauseasous!

We were on the boat almost all day long. Training, learning new things, getting orientated with it all. We did go out on the water - saw a few killer whales (orcas) and some humpbacks. Also some some stellar sea lions. It was an 8-4 day.

After work I found two rooms that I planned on visiting within the week. I set up an appointment to visit each one after work tomorrow.

Back at the house I walked down to Walmart - mostly so I could call up my mom. She is the one person I can fully talk to about anything. It may be strange to some, but our mother-daughter friendship is one that I can't really replace. It's always soothing and she knows just what to say.

Later on I caught a ride to FHE (Family Home Evening) with an old friend, Jacob. I had to talk to the branch president about the hunt for a home. It was really starting to stress me out.

Back at my current digs, I went online after eating some dinner.

Another early day tomorrow!

Day 4

April 26

Today I slept until 11. It was so wonderful to be able to do so.

I was picked up for church around 11:45 - making it to the 12 start time.

3 hours of blissful reprieve and learning. I never really knew what it was to feel peace until today.

Another added bonus to the day was that I was able to play some piano. I brought up two books with me - and I went through each of them.

I was able to get a ride over to see the apartment. I was disappointed and freaked out. It was just a one room, with bathroom, behind someone's house. There was no kitchen whatsoever. It was also located in a rather sketchy neighborhood, on the sketch side.

I felt dejected and rather defeated.

Back at the current home I tried my best to sort things out again. I went back online and found three more places that had potential.

Another late dinner before heading off to sleep early. Thank goodness work starts tomorrow.

Day 3

April 25

This day was rather left in the dark.

I though it would be great day, instead I winded up being in bed, in my batman PJ's till about 2 in the afternoon. The good thing was that a new friend happened in and just chilled with me. Not only that, but she fixed some of the worst bugs on my laptop - making it run faster. The brightness is still an issue, but I can work around that.

I spent another few hours e-mailing people about rooms and apartment for temporary rent. It's not really amazing how difficult it is to find someplace in Juneau. It's rather difficult, and often can be depressing. I set up an apointment to see one after church tomorrow. We'll see how that works out.

I was feeling tons better that evening, so I got all dressed up and headed out with Cadence. We went downtown and got some ice cream at the Wharf. I actually got some Maui Waui - a sorbert that tastes delicious! I'd been thinking about this flavor since last summer. We were a little late to the concert we were going to. Our friend Lizzy was singing with the adult choir. We sat there, listening to the children's choirs. I enjoyed it quite a lot. It was refreshing to be able to be out and about - and to be at a concert! Music really is one of the best medicines for the soul.

When we got back to the house we had a late bite to eat. I binged on some more Sailor Moon before finally calling it a night.

Day 2

April 24

This morning was much like the last: trying to resist another panic attack.

Today would be different though. I was going to walk down to the bank and see about a loan for the apartment I’d found the previous evening. It would be perfect: a one room apartment for one complete with kitchen and washer/dryer.

The walk down to the store was ok. I winded up munching on a Fiber One bar, which sorta settled my anxious stomach. I used MapMyWalk to see how far it was. Just a little over 2 miles. Perfect.

Heading in I went to use the rest rooms first. That was when I got the call. The lady on the other end said she was looking for someone more long term.

That was the end of my little one room apartment dream. Ditching the idea of going into the bank I turned my footsteps back to the house I was currently living in.

I didn’t want to think of anything else so I hid away upstairs and went into serious nostalgic mode.

I binged on the original dubbed Sailor Moon.

It. Was. Glorious.

About 15 episodes later (I’d skipped number 1, seen it too many times) I headed down to Walmart for a snack or two. More watching. Then around 7:30 I decided to get ready for a fun night.

That was when my dear friend (whom many women have and quite often loathe) decided to meet up with me. I took some medication to combat the unwanted guest and soon found myself heading up the road to some interaction and much needed fun.

We had a group of about 10 people. It was dusk so we played a new game called, “Zombies”. Almost like hide and seek, but if you’re “tagged” by the zombie, you become one too. The game ends when all the players have been zombiefied. The last person found is the new zombie. The way you knew who were zombies was that they zombies had to say, “om nom nom.” It was fun, terrifying and full of exercise.

The last thing we did was play sardines.

It took all of us almost an hour to find the first person who was hiding. He was under a bridge. He’s actually burrowed down to hide beneath it.

I got back home around 11 and decided to watch more SM, until 12:30.

It was a better day than the first, though not on the housing front. It seemed to me that the entire city was out to ensure I had no place to say the four months I’d be here. They all wanted either five month renters (the entire summer) or else long-term and year leases.